I have spent most of my life sabotaging myself, usually it’s in little ways, eating things I knew were not good for me, putting off exercising and getting healthy until the next Monday, telling myself others can do it but not me. Have you ever found yourself doing that too?
I have a great family; my mom’s family is the most loving kindhearted people you will ever meet. I have a brother, half brother really but he has always been whole to me that I am so proud of. My stepfather, although a very good man that worked hard for his family, was an alcoholic. When he was drunk he could be particularly mean, my mom and myself were berated and made to feel that we were never good enough. Not smart enough, not good enough at keeping a house, never skinny enough, just never enough. I would be lying if I said this did not affect the self-talk I have in my head. How could it not?
I have forgiven him long ago; I know he was only following what he saw growing up. Perhaps his dad was only modeling what he had seen as well. I vowed that if ever I had children I would never be like him, I would do better. Its something I consciously think about often. I try very hard to treat others how I would like to be treated; I think most people who I am close to would tell you I am a very positive person. I always try to look at the bright side of things and really look for the good in others. Yet I don’t give myself the same courtesy.
While everyone else is enough to me, I still find myself unconsciously belittling myself. All these self doubts, things that have taken root in my mind and I have allowed to make a home, creep up whenever I try something new or get out of my comfort zone.
This blog while something very near and dear to my heart is difficult. I find myself doubting, I am still overweight, why would anyone want to listen to me? The truth is though that I have lost 20lbs already while working on my families health and mine. My cholesterol, blood pressure and all of my other blood work has gone from ok to good. I feel strong, sleep better, and have a closer relationship with my husband and kids.
Yet sometimes the self-sabotage creeps in, my old pattern is I get stressed and I eat lots of carbs. Potato chips are my weakness, pasta is my friend and bread is my happiness. The truth I have come to realize is that they don’t have to be.
When I first started my real, whole food journey I would eat better versions of these foods. While I did see my health improve, it still wasn’t enough. I kept researching and finding great books and podcasts from health experts that broke down what it truly meant to be healthy, what’s really in our food, and how food affects our body.
When I started experimenting on myself I could feel the differences, my skin cleared up, I had more energy, I was happier. I now know what to do to be the healthiest me I can be; now it was time to work on the inner me.
No more will I allow that little inner voice tell me I can’t do something. The truth is I can do anything I put my mind to; I am good enough just being me. I don’t have to try to be anything I am not, I can simply be the best version of me. I am enough and so are you. Don’t let anyone keep residence in your mind telling you aren’t, don’t repeat the mistake that I made for far too long.
I hope you enjoy following me on this journey to being the healthiest me I can be. I am enough and so are you.